Poem:Eden. Constructive critism and opinions please?

The poem is in form of a Ghazal. Could you also check out my other poem if it's not too much trouble.





Eden





The heavens are bleeding with bold pales of fuchsia, crimson, blinding orange and violent yellows. It streams across the atmosphere beyond the horizons and into an Eden.





The Earth is covered in mounds of clover, towers of orchids, gothic roses and cities of juniper and lily. Their roots dig deep down towards the Inferno and grace the stars of the universe forever looking down upon an Eden.





The bittersweet tartness of the apples tell different tales of flavored dreams, the passionate fruit and nectar of the guava are lush with rich hues of life and death, the fuzz of the imperfect peach and the drops of blood cherries are nothing compared to the forbidden fruits that lay beyond. Lips are sweetened and tongues are quenched with the fruits this toxic Eden bears.

Poem:Eden. Constructive critism and opinions please?
I actually got goose bumps from this poem. I feel the passion used to describe the adjectives to paint the full picture. As a writer, you have a very beautiful style and you allow the words to flow naturally and vividly, Until they become more than just words. I like how you create frames using the sense of smell and taste to bring things in comparison to life itself. I think is brilliant
Reply:I am neither a poet nor a critic and I had to look up Ghazal poetry...





I found the imagery beautiful and the theme seems consistent with traditional ghazal poetry. The form/pattern, however, does not; unless it is a translation to English.





I would call it a beautiful ghazal-inspired poem;again, unless it's an English translation.
Reply:Oohh that is a very nice poem and well constructed. It's also very metaphorical (I hope that's a real word). That is also the downside, the metaphors make it a very beautiful poem but some people may not understand it without your explanation. But it's a very beautiful and precise poem.
Reply:I'm not a poem person and have hardly ever read ANY, but i thought these were IMO, Great and cool.





EDIT: oh. i forgot to mention that i thought it was beautifully written and thought provoking
Reply:Very good detail. You have a nice way of writing that actually causes the images to explode onto my mind's eye. I can almost smell flowers and taste the ambrosia.





I liked this very much!!!!!
Reply:Wow, great poem. It was very descriptive and constructive. It paints pictures in your head and to imagine all that is a wonderful sight in my head. But it was kind of confusing at first but after a while you get what its saying. I know alot of ppl could write a better poem about this but you still did very great. You sound like a natural, true poet and i hope to read more of your poems if they are as great as this one =) Im not a fan of poems put i still live and write poems and yours was kind of inspiring