Can you read my book report and tell me how it is? thanks. its supposed to be a page long and it is. thanks!?

Paine Underwood always does the right thing. Even if he does it the wrong way. He knows that Dust Muleman is dumping the waste from his casino boat, the Coral Queen into the waters of the Florida Keys. Paine couldn’t take it any longer, and he sunk the boat. He didn’t even deny it. He sat in a folding chair on the beach, and watched the Coral Queen sink under the polluted water. It wasn’t a well thought out plan. Dusty and his workers had business back as usual in a matter of days. Dusty dumps the waste from the toilets into the water every night, just to save money. People can’t even swim in the water, because it is so polluted. Kids are getting sick, and because Dusty didn’t want to pay to have the waste properly discarded. With Paine stuck In jail, refusing to be bailed out, because he is making a stand, the only person left to do something about it is his son, Noah Underwood. Noah and his sister, Abbey, won’t let Dust keep this up. They devise a plan. A plan that could go terribly wrong. One mistake could give them up. And with Luno guarding the boat, stopping at nowhere to make sure Dusty’s plan is kept under wraps, it seems almost impossible. But with the help from an inside worker, Shelly, it just may work. Abbey and Noah sneak into the boat with an excessive amount of fuchsia food coloring. They sneak into the bathrooms and flush the food coloring down. They almost made it out without a scratch, almost. Luno and Dusty find them and chase them. They catch a dingy and try to get away. Just as they think it’s over, their Grandpa Bobby, one whom they believed dead, came to their rescue. He may be old, but he sure knows how to punch. Abbey and Noah got way, and after many hours of trying to get away, their boat dies. A thunderstorm hits. Nothing seems to be going right. They wait out the storm, and eventually are rescued by their parents and grandfather. Their dad managed to escape jail, and the guards were relieved to be rid of him. All he had to do was pay for the damage. Noah called the coast guard and informed them of what Dusty was doing, and told them to go to Thunder Beach. As Noah and his family arrived there, the water was a bright purple. The plan had succeeded. Dusty had gone to jail, and the world was right again.

Can you read my book report and tell me how it is? thanks. its supposed to be a page long and it is. thanks!?
Don't forget to double space after periods in an essay!





Paine Underwood always does the right thing even if he does it the wrong way. One sentence not two!





A plan that could go terribly wrong is a fragment


Place a semi-colon in front of the phrase. Make it say,


They devise a plan; A plan that could go terribly wrong.





He sat in a folding chair on the beach, and watched the Coral Queen sink under the polluted water. comma splice- ditch the comma or add a 'he' infront of watched.





Instead of 'And with Luno guarding the boat,....'


Say, 'With Luno guarding the boat stopping at nothing to make sure Dusty's plan is kept under wraps (one word or two?)





You may also want to try and get rid of any 'be' verbs (is, am, were). By ridding your essay of those words, it makes your words stronger.





I am reading through it again to catch the rest! I just glanced this first time! Give me a couple of minutes!











More!





Dusty dumps the waste from the toilets into the water every night, just to save money. ~


~This sentence doesn't need the comma!





can't- break contractions down in writing - actually you are expanding a contraction! Anyways, use cannot!





Kids are getting sick, and because Dusty didn’t want to pay to have the waste properly discarded.





take out the ", and" leave the because (no comma).





With Paine stuck In jail, refusing to be bailed out, because he is making a stand, the only person left to do something about it is his son, Noah Underwood.





There is too much information in this sentence. You may want to consider rewording it.





Noah and his sister, Abbey, won’t let Dust keep this up.





You accidentally misspelled Dusty in this sentence! Oops!





MAKE SURE YOU STAY IN THE SAME TENSE! When you write about literature, every event is in the present tense.





Read this outloud to yourself. It will help you make it flow easier.





Also, pretend that you have never read the story before. It confused me when you talk about Paine sinking the Coral Queen and then Dusty having his business back to normal, and then you go back to what the pollution does to people. Paine going to jail just magically appears. How did he get caught?





Just for the record I am not saying that this is bad! I feel like I am overloading you with information! I can say more, so please let me know if you want more help. :) ~Jenn
Reply:Do you mean ~


"Will you..."? [Of course we all can read!]


Aloha from Down Unda!


'...stopping at nowhere...'


maybe should be, '...stopping at nothing...' [?]





"Abbey and Noah sneak into the boat with an excessive amount of fuchsia food coloring. They sneak into the bathrooms and..."





How about ~


"Abbey and Noah sneak onto the boat with an excessive amount of fuchsia food coloring, proceed into the toilets and..."


maybe one too many 'sneak's too close together...[?]


Same with almost/almost


Seems somewhat long but spose it's part of the "plan"?


Best wishes